OWL AND THE PUSSY CAT

The owl and the pussycat went to sea, but the end of our  story's quite sad.The owl pushed the pussycat over the edge
`cos her gameboy was driving him mad.

  THE STRING IN THE TAIL

Two pieces of string meet one day in the park and while one goes on the slide the other goes on the swings. They're having a great time until one string decides to go on the roundabout.
After a while, the string feels really dizzy and falls off, scraping across the tarmac and making as tangled mess of one end and falling in a heap. The second string looked at him and sighed "you're not very good on that roundabout are you?"
The first string looked at himself and said "I'm a frayed knot".

The Toy

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”

Ashamed

“I’m ashamed of you,” the mother said. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!” “He threw a rock at me!” the boy said. “So I threw one at him.” The mother stated emphatically, “When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.” The boy quickly replied, “What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours.”

Kids say…..

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kid.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.

AN IRISHMAN AND THE ENGLISHMAN.....

Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian who decided to have a competition.While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it before it hit the ground.
So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.
Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground.
Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch.
"How did you do that?" asked the Irishman.
The Australian replied "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!"

THE STRING IN THE TAIL

Two pieces of string meet one day in the park and while one goes on the slide the other goes on the swings. They're having a great time until one string decides to go on the roundabout.
After a while, the string feels really dizzy and falls off, scraping across the tarmac and making as tangled mess of one end and falling in a heap. The second string looked at him and sighed "you're not very good on that roundabout are you?"
The first string looked at himself and said "I'm a frayed knot".