THE COMPUTER PROGRAMMER
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool." |
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WINDOWS XP ERROR MESSAGES
New error messages currently under consideration for the new Windows XP operating system...
| 1 |
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. |
| 2 |
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. |
| 3 |
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding. |
| 4 |
Close your eyes and press escape three times. |
| 5 |
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) |
| 6 |
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User. |
| 7 |
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. |
| 8 |
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. |
| 9 |
Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)" |
| 10 |
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)" |
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UNIX expert
How does a UNIX expert have sex?
Unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep.
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Printer Problem
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”
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Computer strings walk into a bar
These two strings walk into a bar and sit down.
The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdkCjfdLk jk3s d#f67howeU r89nvyowmc63Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.” |
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Blonde wants a curtain
A blonde walked into a computer shop one day and asked the shop assistant for a curtain to fit her 15 inch computer monitor. The assistant said, “Why do you want a curtain for your computer screen?”
To which the blonde replies, “I’ve got Windows”. |
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| A great writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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